Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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