If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
