She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
