Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
