I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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