In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
