is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
