totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
