I skipped work to stalk him.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
