i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
