yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
