you would pick up someone in the library
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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