I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
