I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize