I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Panties = found
Randomize
