That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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