I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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