if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
