I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
