he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
