Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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