toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
