Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
