i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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