A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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