Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
