I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
