You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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