He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Pooping to opera.
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