Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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