their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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