The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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