She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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