I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well you can't waste a boner
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
