If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
