It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
