Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
