He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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