either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
