he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
