Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
