I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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