Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
