I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
