but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
