I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
