i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you made out with another girl for some wings
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
