Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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