it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
