She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
