So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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