You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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