is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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