after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
