Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
