Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
