so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my shit smells like andre
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im part way to drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
