Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
