she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
