you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
