Apparently you make a good broom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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