ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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