I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am available for nakedness
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
