I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
