you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
