My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
