I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
