hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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