Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
