There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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