When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
