first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
