Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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