yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
