After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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