before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
